


Drunk History- The Last of Us Featuring Chloe Fink of The Rest of Us

by TheParafox



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, The Last of Us
Genre: Alternate History, Band Fic, Crossover, Drinking, Drunkenness, Gen, Post-Apocalypse, Video & Computer Games, What Have I Done, i have no idea how much these fandoms have in common
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6062626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheParafox/pseuds/TheParafox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While at Tommy’s Settlement in Jackson County, Wyoming…<br/>Chloe Fink drank<br/>- Shots of WARMCOCK Whiskey<br/>- Shots of Daveson<br/>- Shots of Bronlivet Scotch<br/>- Numerous Beers throughout the day<br/>- Numerous Beers chugged before the shots<br/>- And a Vodka Greenox from Tommy Miller<br/>And then retold the History of The Last of Us…</p>
<p>The Last of Us version of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjmXSJ_onTk<br/>Chloe Fink is a character from my other The Last of Us fic, The Rest of Us. Check it out. *shameless self-advertisement*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunk History- The Last of Us Featuring Chloe Fink of The Rest of Us

While at Tommy’s Settlement in Jackson County, Wyoming…  
Chloe Fink drank

            Shots of WARMCOCK Whiskey  
            Shots of Daveson  
            Shots of Bronlivet Scotch  
            Numerous Beers throughout the day  
            Numerous Beers chugged before the shots  
            And a Vodka Greenox from Tommy Miller

And then retold the History of The Last of Us…

 

“Alright,” Chloe says. “This is somewhere in 2033.” She spontaneously bursts out laughing. “Tess meets Joel. She’s like, ‘Yo. _I know about survival_.’ And Joel’s like, ‘Yo. I know _more_ about survival.’ ‘That’s impossible. Do you want to be a team?’ And Joel’s like, ‘Yeah that’s cool.’

“And he’s like, ‘Yo, this is a quarantine zone, not a hunter camp.’ And THEN, they met at Joel’s house. So Joel’s wearing shorts, and socks, and a hat. Joel’s shooting at cans with a shotgun for some fucking reason. And Ellie’s there, for some reason. They start practicing survival technics together, and they’re like, ‘Oh, let’s practice some fuckin’ tactics from some other groups.’”

She counts off on her fingers. “It was like Fireflies, and fuckin’ Hunters, and fuckin’ Cannibals… Ellie said to Tess, ‘Yo we gotta change this shit up.’”

Chloe bursts out laughing again, then takes a drink of beer from her cup on the table next to her. “‘Yo. We practiced all these groups, let’s practice shit from The Last of Us.’ And so, Ellie and Joel are like, ‘Yo. That’s dope. But we need another fucking companion.’ Because Joel’s got a shotgun _and_ he’s a sneaky guy. Joel’s like, ‘Yo, I got a really good pair of ears.’ And they’re like, ‘Wait, how do you have a good pair of ears?’ And he’s like, “Yo, watch this.’ And he sneaks up on these infected in the next room, counts three of ‘em, and he sneaks in and shivs all three of ‘em.

“And they’re like, ‘Oh my god, that’s a really good pair of ears!’ So they made him the sneaky guy, and it was like, he plows through rooms of infected and he’s like, ‘I really miss coffee.’”

Chloe doubles over on her chair from laughing. “And then they’re like, ‘Yo, that’s fuckin’ perfect. This is The Last of Us.’” She takes a long drink from a different cup, spilling some down her chin. “And they found weapons like El Dablio. _El Dablio_. Everybody loves it.”

Someone behind the cameras corrects Chloe: “It’s called _El Diablo_.”

“Dablio. El Dablio.” Someone tries to correct her again, but she continues: “It’s called El Dia-blowhard. And it’s real and it doesn’t matter.” Chloe fixes her shirt. “And Ellie talked to Joel and Tess and she was like, ‘Yo what the _FUUUUUCK_. Yo this is gonna be fuckin’ _DOOOOOPE._ ’ So they found another weapon, and it was called the flamethrower. And they found it without a person on shotgun! And they had three, four guys come in. The four guys that had come in were like, Marlene. Bill. The dudes from Pittsburgh, Henry and Sam.” Chloe snickers. “The fourth one was like the guy from like that cannibal group or something. And they’re like, ‘Yo, we need Tommy Miller. Tommy Miller, shotgun. Fuckin’ use it. And he did it, and he killed it, and he was like, bigadigadiglhgblghlbdbj PSH. Killin’ the shrooms. Tappin’ the shrooms. Tappin’ the infected’s heads. Shootin’ the shit. Killin’ these bitches. Bangin’ it out.”

Chloe glances over at Ellie, who’s behind the cameras. With her laughing/screaming twisting her voice, Chloe says, “ _You’re getting a fucking tattoo right now!?_ ” and leans forward to scream, “ _What the fuck is going on!?_ ”

She sits back up and calms down. “‘We should go to the University of Eastern Colorado. ‘Cause these guys know what the fuck is goin’ on.’ They were like, ‘Yo. If you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin’ hard—’” She barely holds back bursting out with laughter. “‘We will beat you guys up.’ Ellie was like, ‘Yo! We got this weapon that’s fuckin’ _dope_ , dude! It’s called the shotgun. It’s called the flamethrower. It’s gonna be fuckin’ huge.’ And then Joel’s like, ‘I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it violent. There are three weapons that are gonna make the fight and it’s called—’” Chloe belches loudly. “‘It’s called “brick”, “bottle”, and “shotgun”.’ And they made this fight that was fucking dope and it fucking hit Joel like one, two, three, three two one, three four five six seven eight nine TEN, TEN TO ONE! With the shotgun they killed, like, four million guys. Ten million guys. FIFTEEN MILLION GUYS. And Chloe Fink had nothing to do with the entire fight. And Joel was like, sneaking up and whispered, ‘ _That’s good_.’

“Ellie was like, ‘Yo, FUCK you, I can do whatever I want.’ Tess was like, ‘Yeah, that’s cool man, whatever. I don’t give a shit.’ And Tommy was like, ‘Eh. Cool!’ And Ellie was like, ‘Weapons are fucking great for a girl, because, it makes a girl look badass. Which a lot of times, a girl is not badass. And I wanna change that. I wanna make sure that everybody thinks that girls are badass.’”

Chloe spits into the garbage a couple times. “I’m good so far,” she says.

Someone asks, “You wanna spit one more time?”

“Yeah, I do.” She does. She sits for a second before cracking up. “Oh, fuck. Arright, arright. Ellie was like, ‘Oh my god I’m so embarrassed about when I got captured!’ And then I like got captured too at one point, and I was like, ‘Eh, that’s pretty bad. It’s bad to get captured. Let’s be real.’

“We settled in our settlement one month before them. And they settled right after us, and they were so pissed. They were like, ‘Yo, fuck you guys!’ They’re like, ‘Yo, Chloe’s town settled right before us, yo FUCK these dudes, we’re gonna go fuckin’ MILES above. We’re gonna hit every fuckin’ continent there is known to man.’ But they _didn’t_. Because they missed a _second_ of time—apparently—They were like, ‘Oh shit we got every continent!” and they didn’t actually hit it.

“Dude, and Ellie was like, ‘What the _FUCK!?_ ’” She makes a jerking off motion as she says, “Oh, you didn’t fuckin’ make the continent. It’s like, fuck you! So, flamethrower happens, we fuckin’ have three, four years of awesomeness. Like, people are coming on _themselves_ ‘cause it’s so big.”

Someone says, “Take a drink, and then could you talk about the next two fights—” But Chloe, taking a drink, spills, then dumps the rest of the cup over herself. “There you go.”

“Arright,” Chloe says. “So they were like… So Joel’s like, ‘We’re gonna go to Saint Mary’s Hospital in Salk La—Salt Late—Sal—’” She laughs at her tongue-twistedness. “‘Salt Lake City.’ Ellie’s like, ‘Yo. _Survie des deux_ means “theatric of two”.’”

“ _Survival_ of two,” someone corrects.

She laughs. “Oh, sorry. Sorry. They were like, ‘Yo. We gotta take a break.’ MEANING Ellie was like, ‘Yo. We gotta take a break, bruh.’ And Joel’s like, ‘I need time for my training.’ And he sneaks around some more. And Tess’s like, ‘Yo. I need time to find the fuckin’ cure, dude. I gotta find some fuckin’ scee—science.’ And Tommy’s like, ‘I’m just gonna build a settlement from a dam.’ And they’re like, ‘Alright. This break’s been like three years long. Two years long. Three years long. Three and a half? We gotta fucking come back, man, we gotta fucking come back STRONG.’”

Chloe looks at the table next to her. “You took my beer away! What the fuck!” She drinks from a water bottle instead.

“You poured it all over yourself.”

She continues. “‘We gotta make this shit legit, it’s gonna be fuckin’ dope, it’s gonna go fuckin’ sky high. We’re gonna make a cure that sails the skies. We’re gonna call this cure “Save Gustavo Santaolalla”.’ So they found a brick, an assault rifle, more bricks, a bottle. And everybody’s like, ‘What the fuck? You’re working with this guy who fuckin’ killed David—’” Chloe looks down at herself. “What the fuck is this on my shirt? Did I puke on myself?”

Several people chime in to inform her that she’d poured her beer on herself.

“Oh, god,” she says, then continues. “Ellie was like, ‘Yo, we’re gonna end up surviving with Fireflies and twenty cannibals.’ Chloe laughs, belches, and spits. “And that’s all. And that’s all that matters. And that’s just how the fuckin’ story goes.”  

 


End file.
